Willful Insomniacs Anonymous

It appears that I am back to my old ways. It is 2:44 am and all the resolve I had to be in bed early (i.e., before 1 am) has gone out the window. Correction: I still have the resolve, but since it is actually past that time now, it's worthless and irrelevant resolve. You know, like eating "The Frankenstein" (10 scoops of icecream, 5 toppings) at the Totem Inn (yes, I have done it) and talking about losing some weight, in between bites.

I have a touch of a cold and I was tired all day long, and I haven't had two normal, restful, 6-8 hours worth of sleep, back-to-back nights in over a month. So I had good intentions. But now I am wide awake and this is the healthiest I've felt in 3 days. So I feel like I should be doing something. Specifically, I feel the need to create. It's this strange craving I get every now and again...okay, about every 6 hours. The feeling that I need to be painting, or writing, or even just playing with some food. The sad thing about this is that to be a functioning person, to get the things done that I need to get done - like work...and...stuff - I usually have to supress that desire. Responsible people can't just sit around playing with their food all day long, right? (Okay, so a few lucky ones can, but these jobs are really hard to come by, and I'm still waiting to hear back on my last four interviews for the position of culinary architect.)

This constant suppression of creative energy results in a fear of starting a project when I do have the chance, because then I'm always afraid I won't have time to finish - something I am notorious for. However, while this may be the case, I suppose it's still better to have a hundred unfinished creative endeavors lying around our lives than to never even give them the chance to become something. That said, I'm going to go raid the fridge for art supplies.